“We’re told the Democrats have an agenda—in the first 100 days, Congress will overturn the accumulated horrors of the Bush regime. (Except for Reagan’s funeral. They’ll let that stand.) A preview follows. Day 1: Party like it’s 1992; citizenship for all Gitmo detainees; a blanket amnesty; and a ‘Circle of Healing’ ceremony held on the Capitol steps. Day 2: The troops in Iraq will leave, walking in reverse, as if someone is playing the tape backwards; special construction brigades will quickly repair all the buildings destroyed since the 2003 invasion; and the last American out will reinstall Saddam. Thereafter, whenever someone criticizes America for invading Iraq, we’ll look quizzical and say we don’t know what they’re talking about. Day 3: Bush tax cuts repealed, so the upper 10 percent in income pay 67 percent of all federal taxes instead of 66 percent. That will make all the difference. Day 4: Peace Corps sent en masse to Middle East to apologize personally to everyone and hand out gas-soaked flags and matchbooks. Burn one on us! Don’t you love us now? Day 5: Peace Corps Hostage Negotiation Unit commissioned. Day 6: Gay marriage legalized by congressional voice vote, so no one has to go on record. (This allows gay Democratic congressmen to vote no without being outed.) Days 7-100: Impeachment hearings. Sure, Pelosi has said she’s against them. But as she promised: The children will be in charge. They’re cranky if they don’t get their way.” —James Lileks |
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