Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
‘No, I can remember it.’
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!’
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
‘Where’s my toast ?’
Why my husband is getting a divorce.
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ‘Happy Birthday.’
Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.
My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, ‘Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!’ It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o’clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said,’You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me..’
I said, ‘Thanks, Rick, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!’
We went to lunch.
But we didn’t go where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Rick said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day... We don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We?’
I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind?’
He said, ‘Let’s drop by my place, it’s just around the corner.’
After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, ‘If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.’
‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.
He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing ‘Happy Birthday’.
And I just sat there....
On the couch....
Elderly couple sitting in rocking chairs on their porch, pleasant day.
The woman hauls back and smacks the old man really hard.
He rubs his face. “What in the world was that for?”
She looks at him matter-of-factly and says “That’s for having such a small penis all these years.” She starts rocking again.
The old man sets himself straight again, rocks back and forth for awhile, then after being lost in thought for a few minutes, smacks the old woman completely out of her chair.
She asks “What was THAT for?”
He replies, “FOR KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE!”