Study: Holiday Feasts Increase Global Warming
CAMBRIDGE, MA - A new study has linked the traditional feasts associated with Thanksgiving and Christmas to increases in planetary temperatures. The report, to be released Wednesday, claims the additional energy required to fatten, slaughter, ship and roast tens of millions of turkeys causes a seasonal spike in greenhouse gasses. Scientists say the effects of these spikes could be devastating.
"Once the damage is done, it's difficult to reverse the effects." said Myron Finnister, professor of Climatic Endocrinology at Howyflyl University. "It's much like the person doing the feasting, who can never seem to shed those extra pounds. And pretty soon, it's time to feast all over again."
The report cites that energy consumption typically increases during the months of November and December, the peak of the turkey production season. Energy use beyond December is mainly due to cold weather, according to the report. "Temperature increases of up to 0.2 degrees over the next 100 years can be directly attributable to this spike." said Finnister.
Nutritionists and conservationists are quick to point out alternatives to the roast turkey dinner. "Vegetables, which are much lighter than turkeys and therefore more efficient to ship, are an excellent feast." said Lindy Hellman-Jones, a dietary specialist at Newhall Clinic. "But if people must eat turkeys, which is pretty gross, there are steps they can take to save the planet. If everyone would turn their ovens down from 350 to 345, it would be like taking 1 million cars off the road."
Somewhere out there is a Moonbat that wishes they had thought of this first !
Labels: Stupid Moonbats