Bill and Hillary Clinton spent the weekend campaigning separately. It's a good tandem. While Hillary was in Iowa offering free health care Saturday, Bill was in Texas offering to take Jessica Simpson off Tony Romo's hands til after the Super Bowl.
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates reported back to Washington Friday following his fact-finding mission to Iraq. Despite recent military success, the government remains completely dysfunctional. Perhaps the United States isn't ready for democracy.
House Democrats adjourned Congress Friday with approval ratings even lower than the president's. It's just awful. If congressmen weren't allowed to wear their pants any higher than their approval ratings, they'd all be doing Bill Clinton impressions.
Hillary Clinton campaigned in New Hampshire Saturday in the lobby of a YWCA in the town of Manchester. She's always had a soft spot in her heart for New Hampshire. The state's motto is Live Free or Die, and Bill had it inserted in their marriage vows.
Hillary Clinton promised to fulfill America's promise to veterans at the Iowa Veterans Home in Marshalltown. She once tried to enlist in the Marines in the early Seventies, but she was turned down. They told her we weren't that mad at the Viet Cong.
President Bush warned reporters on Thursday about the danger of Iran's nuclear program. He really shouldn't worry. If history is any guide, Iran will use its nuclear power for peaceful purposes, unless somebody draws a cartoon they don't like.
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
GEORGE W. BUSH: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here."
JOHN KERRY: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it."
PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."
BILL CLINTON: " I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?"
AL GORE: "I invented the chicken!"
DICK CHENEY: "Where's my gun?"
AL SHARPTON: "Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens."
HILLARY CLINTON: "I have vast experience with chickens and if elected, I will ensure that EVERY chicken has the ability to cross any road they desire."