Re: Scotty McClellan’s book
From: President Bush
There has been a great deal of outrage and hard feelings directed towards Scotty over the things he said about me in his recent book and I wanted to take a few minutes and address these.
First of all Laura and I have been, and will always remain, big supporters of Scotty. From the first time we saw him on Life Goes On, we’ve been pulling hard for the little fella. When people said to me, “W, you can’t put one of those special kids in a position of authority, they’ll turn on you in a heartbeat,” I shrugged it off. I had worked with mongolianoids before and I knew that they were exactly like you and me. As long as you don’t feed them after midnight. Or make direct eye contact.
Second, although I believe in my heart of hearts that Vice President Cheney’s idea for a top secret, weekend hunting trip with him and Scotty at an undisclosed location is sincere, I am going to have to overrule him.
Now, we all know that Scotty didn’t actually write a book. Hell, the boy can barely feed himself. But it’s clear that this impressionable young man allowed the Democrats to use his name for nefarious purposes. Knowing Scotty like I do, it was probably in exchange for a few watermelon Jolly Ranchers. Or they rubbed his special spot. Whatever.
What I’m trying to say is that I do not want anyone, under any circumstances, to make counterattacks on Scotty. This plucky little fighter has enough to contend with. You’d probably be surprised to discover that his people have an average life expectancy of around fifty, and also suffer from severe allergies to both tap water and leavened bread. I’ll bet you didn’t know that. And they say I’m “intellectually incurious.”
So in closing, hands off the mongolianoid, or you’re gonna hear from W!
Sincerely,
President George W. Bush
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