| The Gospel of Matthews Chapter 5:1-20, or, The Barackitudes ! |
| Monday, February 23, 2009 |
1 When Hussein saw the crowds, he went up to the podium; and after he sat down, his disciples in the press came to him.
2 Then he began to speak, and did teach them, saying:
3 ‘Blessed are the working families, for theirs are the 95% tax cuts.
4 ‘Blessed are those who were ashamed of their country, for they will be comforted.
5 ‘Blessed are the Unions, for they will inherit the earth.
6 ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for stimulus, for they will be filled.
7 ‘Blessed are the tax evaders, for they will receive mercy and a Cabinet position.
8 ‘Blessed are the bleeding of heart, for they will see God.
9 ‘Blessed are the terrorists, for they will be released from Gitmo.
10 ‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for Islam’s sake, for I shall stand with them, should the political winds blow that way.
11 ‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.
12 'Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in Washington, for in the same way those in Talk Radio persecuted the Democrats who were before you.
13 ‘You are the acorns of the earth; but if an acorn has lost its nuts, how can its nuttiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.
14 ‘You are the light of the world. The light of the press cannot be hidden.
15 'No one after lighting a joint puts it under the bushel basket, but instead passes it to their friends, and it gives peace and understanding to all in the house.
16 'In the same way, help my light shine before others, so that they may see my good works and give glory to our Fellow Progressives.
17 ‘Do not think that I have come to abolish the law, the New Deal, or Civil Rights; I have come not to abolish but to fulfil.
18 'For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law unless I command. I won.
19 'Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these regulations, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of Washington, and he will be assigned a place with the Republicans; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of Washington.
20 'For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the Reids and Pelosis, you will never enter the kingdom of Washington.
|
posted by Sarge @ 12:16 PM   |
|
|
|
.png)
