Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there... any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please ... Seymore send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" .
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one..." He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, “Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Sarah Palin answered back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” “Now what?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
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Football player signings in last week’s supplemental college draft. ________________________________
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6’ 6”, 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most “you knows” during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name. Signed with Tennessee. ________________________________
Quinticious Jenkins: 6’ 3”, 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, N.C. Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19” TV under each arm. Signed with Mississippi State. ________________________________
Roosevelt “Dude” Dansell: 6’ 1”, 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair does a creditable imitation of Billy Dee Williams. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as “red brick”. Signed with the Louisiana State University. _____________________________
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6’ 8”, 310 lbs. Tackle. At 19 he’s the oldest of 21 children. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because “The dude said somethin’ bad ‘bout my Momma.” On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20. Signed with the University of Arkansas ________________________________
Willie “Night Train” Smith: 6’4”, 225 lbs. Quarterback. Thinks the “N” on Nebraska ‘s helmets stands for “Nowledge,” but still meets this school’s stringent entrance requirements... Insists on wearing Number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his SAT’s. Signed with the University of Alabama. ________________________________
Tyrone “Python” Peoples: 6’10”, 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges, but was also willing to sign with us. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company. Signed with University of Georgia ________________________________
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6’10”,305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester Lee Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville... Doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear” (nor the meaning of many other words, either). Signed with the University of Florida. ____________________________________
Welcome all to higher education. _____
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not ....... a Congress!
I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington
I looked this up and it’s VERY true! Other terms used to describe a group of Baboons are: Troop, Tribe, and Flange.
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