An old nun living in a convent next to a construction site noticed
the worker's coarse language and decided to spend some time
with them—to correct their ways. She then decided to take her
lunch and sit with them. Putting her sandwich in a brown bag,
she walked to the spot where the men were eating. Sporting a big
smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads
and looked at each other, very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down. "Why?"
The worker yelled
back,
"Cause his mom's here with his lunch."
***********************************
A large building was being built next door to a convent. The
workers were using a lot of profanity, like workers do. One day,
after hearing enough, the Mother Superior went to the foremen
of the crew and asked him to get his men to slow down the bad
language. The foreman said he couldn't do that. "After all,
Mother," he said, "these guys call a spade a spade." Mother
Superior said, "They do not. They call it a fucking shovel!"
***********************************
A Catholic Priest and a Nun were out having a round of golf. The
priest stepped up to the tee and took a mighty swing. He missed
the
ball entirely and said,
"****, I missed." Sister Marie told him
to watch his language.
At the next swing he missed again, "****,
I missed."
"Father, I am not going to play with you if you keep
swearing."
The priest promises to do better.
At the next tee he
misses again, usual reply, "****, I missed."
Sister Marie is really
mad now and says, "Father, God is going to
strike you dead if
you keep swearing like that."
At the next tee, the priest misses, swears, "****, I missed."
Out of the sky comes a gigantic bolt of lighting which strikes
Sister Marie dead in her tracks.
Then the skies open up and a big booming voice says, "****, I
missed."
************************************
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver
won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why is he staring and he
replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend
you."
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and have been a
nun a long as I have, you
get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that
there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She
responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is
very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun
fulfills his fantasy.
But when they get back on the road, the cab
driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you
crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must
confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's
OK, my name is Kent and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
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