Donald Trump goes missing from the Polish dungeon.
In a statement released by his attorney, Mike Pence says Trump escaped by using aggressive negotiating tactics on the guards, and insists "it wasn't a magic trick, or anything like that."
In an extended tweetstorm the following day, the former president explains that he definitely did escape using magic. Trump says that after drawing upon the sacred powers acquired via the Orb of Destiny on his trip to Riyadh, and reading Gorilla Mindset by Mike Cernovich during his time in prison, he has achieved "galactic intellect" and "conquered the paradox of transdementional navigation [sic]."
He describes being treated "very fairly and honorably" by the "true media" on Earth 47B where he reigns as king. He wishes Matt and Melania the best of luck in their future endeavors.
Mike Pence misses his friend, but feels a little annoyed that Trump didn't share with him these newly acquired cosmic powers .... !
Labels: Butt ugly !, feminazis, Filthy Democrats, liberal scum !, Quisling's