The #2 pencil...
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GRANDMA AND GRANDPA
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning, he would take his seven-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just he and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday morning, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" "Oh, yes, Pa Pa," the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!"
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
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