Dear Islamic Rage Boy, I am a faithful Wahhabist living in the satanic pit of America and have recently found it necessary to burn my wife at the stake for her insolence. My problem is threefold. First, the cost of gasoline has risen to such a price that it almost makes me question my sentence of a “painful, fiery death.” Second, every time I secure her to the woodpile, these pain-in-the-ass environmentalist groups keep protesting me. Apparently the kindling I chose comes from a tree that is home to some endangered bird. Mark my words, when the land of the Great Satan finally becomes an Islamic state, the cursed spotted owl will be first in line to feel the cold steel of my sword. Third, clearly I want my children to be a part of this important event, but I am concerned about the effects on their self-esteem. Would you recommend they stand right next to me while I engulf their mother in flames, or would it be preferable to film it and show them the video at a later date? Any wisdom you can impart would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Pyrotechnically-challenged in Peoria
Dear Pyrotechnically-challenged,
Whoa. Slow down my friend. You have asked me many questions, but you have left out a great deal of critical information. First of all, I cannot be sure that death by fire is the proper response to your wife’s infraction. Perhaps the situation merely calls for a severe beating of the uvula or a vigorous genital caning. Please be more specific next time.
However, for the sake of argument we must err on the side of severity. Let’s just say that your wife exposed her left temple while in public and thus is deserving of a flame-laden, blistering death. As Muhammad al bin Farou noted in his seminal piece on the topic, There Must Be 50 Ways To Sautee Your Lover, “…the cost of the punishment is of no import. What is paramount is that swift, even-handed justice be meted out.”
In other words, even if regular unleaded tops $4.00 a gallon you are obliged to pay this price. The monetary inconvenience to you is insignificant in the face of the wrong you are righting.
Good luck and please let me know how it turns out.
Although he is not a licensed therapist, Islamic Rage Boy is a clinical jihadist with expertise in a wide array of areas including: floral arrangements, etiquette, English grammar, homeopathy, animal grooming, and the making of hit records.
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Liberals
"Never try to teach a liberal to think, It wastes your time and annoys the liberal"
Seems a sheep farmer was puzzled about the disappearance of some sheep on his farm. After a few weeks the farmer decided to put up an electric fence. About a week later, this is what he found!
Now, I know we've all heard of people being eaten by snakes & I bet most of us have said, "If a snake tried to eat me, I'd blah, blah, blah & get away. Well, this is a Python & they're extremely aggressive & have a few teeth that they use to hold their prey while they wrap around them & then constrict. Could you get away if this one bit you & held on with it's "few teeth?" (Note: the wires are 10 inches apart.)
For all you ignorant moonbats that have been brainwashed by the liberal media that George W. Bush lied to you about WMD'S in Iraq, That Saddam was not a terrorist and had nothing to do with international terrorism maybe the head hanging chad will convince you otherwise !
I Pledge Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for
which it stands,
one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
War was declared on the United States of America 8,617 days, 5 hours, 54 minutes and 43 seconds ago. NEVER FORGET!
The Second Amendment:
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
I do solemnly swear that I will
support and defend the Constitution of the United States
against all enemies, foreign and domestic;
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same ...
~ Title 10, US Code ~
Let us pray...
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" ! ...Benjamin Franklin
"Don't let anybody tell you that, you know, it's corporations and businesses that create jobs." ! ...Hitlery Klinton
"Give whites a pile of bricks and they'll make a city, give blacks a city and they'll make a pile of bricks"
Teach someone how to fish, and you lose a Democrat voter !
Never try to teach a liberal to think, It wastes your time and annoys the liberal !
Liberalism is a sick religion based solely on emotion and feelgoodism and wiping away their perceived guilt with other peoples money. It has never been based in thought and common sense !
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure.”... Clarence Darrow !
"We have to spend money to keep from going bankrupt" ...Joe Biden !
"We tax everything that moves and doesn’t move".... Hitlery Klinton !
"I do think there are certain times we should infringe on your freedom" ! .... Michael Bloomberg
"I never drink water because fish fuck in it".... W.C.Fields !
"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid...."
John Wayne !
"we are truly being governed by our inferiors, and in some cases criminals" ...Plato !
"Sure We Can Kill ISIS, But We’re Not Going To Get Suckered Into That ...John Kerry !
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do".... !
"God have mercy on my enemies because I won't." ... George S. Patton !
!
"There is no worse foolishness than the truth in the mouth of a fool"... Don Colacho !
!
"If you take out the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." ... Marion Barry
!
“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.” ... Sir Winston Churchill !
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