An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, “We're not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, “I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”
Holding up the bucket he said, “I'm just here to feed the alligator.”
Some old men can still think fast.
In the bake shop a young woman in a very short skirt was serving the customers.
A couple of young men and a seasoned citizen entered. After the young fellows checked the shelves, each ordered raisin bread.
It was on a high shelf, and the young lady needed a ladder to access it.
After serving the two young men, halfway down from her second trip up the ladder she asked the old gentleman
“Is yours raisin too?”
“Nope”, he replied, “but it’s twitchin’ a mite”!
An elderly couple are watching tv one evening when the husband says “I feel like a bowl ice cream. You want one?”
The wife replies “Yes, that would be great. I’d like vanilla with fudge, chopped nuts, a few slices of banana, and a cherry.
You know, you’d better write this down. Your memory isn’t what it used to be.”
“I’ve got it, I’ve got it” the husband replied, bothered.
The wife can hear her husband in the kitchen turning on the stove, opening the fridge, mixing something with a whisk. She gets angrier and angrier as she sits there listening to him obviously not preparing a sundae.
He comes into the room a while later with a full breakfast tray. Eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee.
The wife shakes here head, completely vexed and says... “You old fool! I told you to write it down!
Where’s my oatmeal?”
Husband buys an expensive negligee for his wife for their 50 anniversary.
He puts the box on the bed and when she gets home, he tells her, “Honey, I’ve left you a special present in our room. I want you go take off your clothes, open it and then come let me see what you think.”
She giggled, and went into the bedroom. Upon opening the box, she sees the gift-wrapper had forgotten to remove the price tag, and she was shocked at how much money he spent when they could have made better use of the money. So she walks out naked instead, planning to scold him.
“Well, what do you think?” she asks. After a few blinks of his eyes, he replies,
“I think for that much money they could have at least ironed it!”
A 90 yr old couple were in divorce court.
Judge says, “Well, I can certainly grant you a divorce but why on earth bother doing that now? You’ve been together over 70 years!”
Couple says, “We wanted to wait until the children were dead.”