I'll bet you $20 bucks SOMEBODY really believes this !
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Study: Holiday Feasts Increase Global Warming CAMBRIDGE, MA - A new study has linked the traditional feasts associated with Thanksgiving and Christmas to increases in planetary temperatures. The report, to be released Wednesday, claims the additional energy required to fatten, slaughter, ship and roast tens of millions of turkeys causes a seasonal spike in greenhouse gasses. Scientists say the effects of these spikes could be devastating.
"Once the damage is done, it's difficult to reverse the effects." said Myron Finnister, professor of Climatic Endocrinology at Howyflyl University. "It's much like the person doing the feasting, who can never seem to shed those extra pounds. And pretty soon, it's time to feast all over again."
The report cites that energy consumption typically increases during the months of November and December, the peak of the turkey production season. Energy use beyond December is mainly due to cold weather, according to the report. "Temperature increases of up to 0.2 degrees over the next 100 years can be directly attributable to this spike." said Finnister.
Nutritionists and conservationists are quick to point out alternatives to the roast turkey dinner. "Vegetables, which are much lighter than turkeys and therefore more efficient to ship, are an excellent feast." said Lindy Hellman-Jones, a dietary specialist at Newhall Clinic. "But if people must eat turkeys, which is pretty gross, there are steps they can take to save the planet. If everyone would turn their ovens down from 350 to 345, it would be like taking 1 million cars off the road."
Somewhere out there is a Moonbat that wishes they had thought of this first !
Hillary Refuses to answer paper-or-plastic question !
Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) raised eyebrows in Iowa today when she refused to respond to a supermarket cashier's question about her preference for paper or plastic bags, calling the inquiry "totally hypothetical."
Mrs. Clinton's aversion to hypothetical questions has been a hallmark of her quest for the Democratic presidential nomination, but her refusal to answer the paper-or-plastic query during a campaign stop in Davenport took even some of her closest supporters aback.
The New York senator had stopped by the local supermarket for a photo opportunity, but her appearance ran off the rails when she was blindsided by the cashier's unexpected question.
"This paper-or-plastic business is one of those 'gotcha' questions that I'm not going to get into," Mrs. Clinton said. "I don't want to be in a situation where I've chosen one and that takes the other one totally off the table."
Shunning both paper and plastic, Mrs. Clinton left the store clutching an unwieldy assortment of groceries in her bare hands.
The paper-or-plastic controversy was the second bump in the road for Mrs. Clinton today, coming just hours after a citizen who posed a question to her in a town hall meeting was revealed to be her husband, former President Bill Clinton, dressed as a woman.
President Clinton, wearing a blonde wig and an Ann Taylor wrap dress, asked Mrs. Clinton, "Will your presidency continue the glorious legacy of my — I mean your husband's — terms in office?"
Elsewhere, Chelsy Davy, Prince Harry's girlfriend of three years, said she dumped the Prince because "I got tired of explaining to friends why my boyfriend was always wearing a Nazi uniform."
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking. One blonde says to the other, ‘Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?’
The other blonde turns and says ‘Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?’
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, “What’s the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
RIVER WALK
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back “You ARE on the other side.”
AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed and then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”
“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
BLONDES AND RELIGION
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Christmas stamps?”
The clerk says, “What denomination?”
The blonde says, “God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.”
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“Helllooooooooooooooo,” answered the blonde, “They’re watch dogs!”
WEST HAVEN, Utah - McDonald’s? The burger joint? Stampede! Eight cows escaped from a trailer and ran amok when the rear gate opened as the driver pulled into a McDonald’s. It took about two hours to round them up Monday. “Maybe they were going to … hop in the freezer, save the middleman,” Weber County sheriff’s Sgt. Dave Creager said. Lt. Kevin Burns had another theory: “They didn’t like their future.” The roundup was called “Operation Hamburger Helper.” A nearby resident even hopped on his horse. “I thought my eyes were lying,” said Wayne Sanders, who was at a truck stop next door. “I don’t know where they came from, but I’d say they’d have to weigh 800 pounds apiece and they were on a pretty good trot.”
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St.Peter, "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"
St.Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer." So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"
God simply replied "You are what you are."
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, "Well, did God straighten out your query for you?"
The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'"
St.Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes."
The zebra asked St. Peter, "How do you know that for certain?" "Because," said St. Peter, "If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, "You is what you is."
If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton & Jesse will be on your butt.
Top 9 New York Times Headlines Regarding Declining Troop Deaths In Iraq !
Thursday, November 08, 2007
9. (tie) Bush Manipulates Numbers Of U.S. Troop Deaths In Iraq To Detract Attention From His Causing California Wildfires
9. (tie) Bush Fails To Maintain Status Quo In Iraq
8. Promise of Clinton Presidency Lowers U.S. Troop Death Rate
7. Experts Say Less U.S. Troops Dying Because They’re Busy Raping Iraqi Women And Puppies
6. (tie) U.S. Troop Mortality Decrease Offset By Increase In Surviving Soldiers
6. (tie) Number Of U.S. Troops Cut Down In The Prime Of Their Life Last Month Slightly Less Than The Number Of U.S. Troops Horrifically Slaughtered The Month Prior
5. (tie) American Military Casualties In Iraq Up 100% From Twenty Years Ago
5. (tie) Sources Say NYT Op-Ed Page Primarily Resonsible For Declining U.S. Troop Deaths In Iraq
4. Imperialist Superpower Reports (Alleged) Decrease in Death Rate Of Fascist Soldiers In Illegal War For Oil
3. Insiders Say U.S. Troops Dying Less Frequently, But Far More Painfully
2. Despite Decline In Troop Death Rate, Leading Experts Agree That All U.S. Troops Currently In Iraq Will Be Completely Obliterated By The Turn Of The Century
1. U.S. Casualties in Iraq Decline: Undertakers, Florists Hardest Hit
I Pledge Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for
which it stands,
one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
War was declared on the United States of America 8,617 days, 10 hours, 33 minutes and 56 seconds ago. NEVER FORGET!
The Second Amendment:
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
I do solemnly swear that I will
support and defend the Constitution of the United States
against all enemies, foreign and domestic;
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same ...
~ Title 10, US Code ~
Let us pray...
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" ! ...Benjamin Franklin
"Don't let anybody tell you that, you know, it's corporations and businesses that create jobs." ! ...Hitlery Klinton
"Give whites a pile of bricks and they'll make a city, give blacks a city and they'll make a pile of bricks"
Teach someone how to fish, and you lose a Democrat voter !
Never try to teach a liberal to think, It wastes your time and annoys the liberal !
Liberalism is a sick religion based solely on emotion and feelgoodism and wiping away their perceived guilt with other peoples money. It has never been based in thought and common sense !
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure.”... Clarence Darrow !
"We have to spend money to keep from going bankrupt" ...Joe Biden !
"We tax everything that moves and doesn’t move".... Hitlery Klinton !
"I do think there are certain times we should infringe on your freedom" ! .... Michael Bloomberg
"I never drink water because fish fuck in it".... W.C.Fields !
"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid...."
John Wayne !
"we are truly being governed by our inferiors, and in some cases criminals" ...Plato !
"Sure We Can Kill ISIS, But We’re Not Going To Get Suckered Into That ...John Kerry !
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do".... !
"God have mercy on my enemies because I won't." ... George S. Patton !
!
"There is no worse foolishness than the truth in the mouth of a fool"... Don Colacho !
!
"If you take out the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." ... Marion Barry
!
“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.” ... Sir Winston Churchill !
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